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"Hollandaise message from Bessie Fish" - continuing open correspondence with mouthbreathing spammers - Blather, Rinse, Repeat
March 17th, 2006
04:11 pm

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"Hollandaise message from Bessie Fish" - continuing open correspondence with mouthbreathing spammers
(My dental hygienist recently asked me if I was a mouthbreather. Seems like my gums are tender in the same way as slack-jawed yokels who dehydrate their mouths.)

Just today I received obvious spam with the subject "Hollandaise message from Bessie Fish". On the one hand, I was tantalized by the notion of some sort of sauce over a broiled fillet of salmon. Oh, but 'Bessie' makes me think of cow. Perhaps it's a surf/turf combo; some steak and some salmon. Mmm, sauce over the top, maybe some capers as garnish. I'll have the garlic mashed potatoes and some baby carrots to fill up the plate.

As I opened the spam to read the contents, I saw the following:


Girls going wild on the Farm with monkeys

come see it all.

banned in 163 states


Sure, everybody enjoys seeing women degenerating to a feral state. Probably losing all capacity for language and walking upright. And monkeys, besides? That seems like gilding the lily, because we've already got women that have devolved into a non-human form. Maybe you'd like to consider going a different direction. Here are some suggestions:


  • primitive women on printing presses
  • cheerleaders and gravy
  • schoolgirls with chainsaws


Also, could I get a list of the 163 states in which your site is banned? I'm sure that, if nothing else, this could be the subject of interesting cocktail discussions with geography teachers I might chance to meet.


Are the girls with the monkeys preparing the fish with hollandaise sauce? I'm hungry, and the email wasn't particularly clear.


Thank you for your attention to these matters.
-Dave

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