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Open Letters to food purveyors: To the Makers of Turkey Burger… - Blather, Rinse, Repeat
February 26th, 2006
03:03 pm


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Open Letters to food purveyors:

To the Makers of Turkey Burger Patties: I bought your turkey patties on the understanding that they would be lower fat than the beef patties that you are clearly trying to emulate. I think we can agree that a lower fat diet would benefit me. If your product is so devoid of taste that I am driven to load it up with condiments, we may not be making progress.

To the Makers of "9 Whole Grain Buns": your packaging is unintentionally (I hope) misleading. I purchased your "9 Whole Grain Buns" product feeling proud that not only was I buying a product that was good for me, I was getting a bonus 12.5% extra food in the bag relative to the other options on the bakery shelf. I looked inside the bag, and could only could 8 buns, but I trusted that you had some gateway to a hidden bun dimension that I could not discern from outside the bag. When I got home and more carefully read the small print, I realized that you do, indeed, claim that there were only "8 count". Perhaps the 9 refers to the number of grains, not the number of buns. But that's certainly not clear. Perhaps you should relabel them "8 buns, made from 9 grains, each of which is whole" or "buns, 8 each. Contents, grains. 9 grains in each of the 8 buns. 72 grainy units of goodness!" although I concede that this may spill over into the transparent portion of the bag, or perhaps onto the next bag over.

Thank you for your attention to these issues.

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:February 26th, 2006 11:50 pm (UTC)
Your paragraph entitled "To the Makers of '9 Whole Grain Buns'" is probably my favorite text by you in this millennium.
[User Picture]
Date:February 27th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
Thank you, and good night!
[User Picture]
Date:February 27th, 2006 02:45 pm (UTC)
Er, I have no idea if you want any serious comments. If so, not all condiments are bad for you. If not, there are no words here. Nope, none. Just little black squiggles on a white background.
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