That's not really a resolution. That's a problem statement.
Several years ago, I was considering FROOT LOOPS. Granted, they're spelled that way for a couple of reasons, one of which being easier trademark enforcement. If you spelled them Fruit Loops, anybody and their uncle Emiril could whip up a batch. But also, by spelling them that wacky way, you can make them out of 93% Red Dye #5 and nobody can complain that they're not getting enough FROOT. "FROOT" has no legally meaningful content, so Kellog's is completely in their own territory here.
Except that if you had read the fine print a while ago, they were actually "FROOT flavored LOOPS". I'm not sure what that means. Or what the point is. I just checked, and the fine print isn't on the box on top of my fridge. Real FROOT flavorings in my LOOPs. Mmm, mmm.
Somehow, this obsession with FROOT was stuck in my head at the same time as the idea of fruitcake came by. The two constructs collided (in a scene worthy of Reese's, if your blood sugar isn't too high already), giving me the crazy idea that I had to make some FROOTCAKE.
I tried it last year, and it was good enough that this year's batch is in the fridge firming up even now.
Serves: Conceivably many, but so far, pretty much just me.
3 Tablespoons butter
4 cups miniature marshmallows
6 cups FROOT LOOPS cereal
In a large, high, pan, melt butter on medium low heat. When melted, add marshmallows. Allow to soften (the marshmallows will go past a phase where they resemble an omelet, to a viscous fluid phase resembling marshmallow fluff - go even softer than that). Stir in cereal. Pack into 9" loaf pan. I use a soft silicone pan, which makes for easier depannation later on. Put in fridge overnight to firm up.
Serving suggestion: cut into 1/4" slices and arrange on a plate. Drive the joke into the ground by clearly labelling it FROOTCAKE.
(Yes, it's a glorified rice crispie cookie, but an awfully tasty one. You could vary any of the above - using colored marshmallows, margarine, store-brand cereal. Maybe use a double boiler for best marshmallow wrangling. Up to you.)