Dave LeCompte (really) (tsmaster) wrote,
Dave LeCompte (really)

Apologies to Linnell and Flansburgh

I'm sure I'm spelling their names wrong. More apologies.

Ode to Endurance on a Saturday
When the mower's tank is empty,
and the Weed Eater's spool's unwound,
indoors is where Dave is to be found.

That's right, I outlasted three lawn care appliances (not featured in the doggerel: one backpack sprayer filled with weed-killing solution) today. Other highlights:

  • I am planning on putting some decorative bricks around my flower garden. Appearantly, I'm no good at math, because I need about 4 times as many bricks as I bought. In my defense, I knew I underpurchased by a factor of two, but still, as Jennie's brother would point out, there's an extra factor of two unaccounted for.

  • I bought roses. Not the cut symbols of affection, but the big thorny affairs that come in pots of wet dirt that spill all over the back of my car. I have yet to plant them, but I did set them roughly where they'll be going, and they add nicely to the garden. Or, they nicely obscure the house. Same thing.

  • When one paints, it's good to do a few coats to even things out and get good coverage. Mowing is like that, too. Sometimes I feel guilty about the purchase of The Behemoth, the ride-on-lawn-monster, but today, it was all OK. I removed somewhere in the vicinity of 500 gallons of lawn clippings from my yard in the past couple days (let me check that math - one 96 gallon yard waste can filled on Thursday, emptied on Friday (YAY), refilled on Friday night, plus 10 bags of 30 gallons apiece: 96*2+30*10= about a gazillion...)

    And of course, I'm not done. Not just because yard work is never done, but also there's the part of the yard that I call "the volleyball court" because there's one time a year that it gets any use, and that's when I put up a net during my birthday party. So that area still has clumps on it. I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't collect any more grass than I could fit into my car at once. Reminds me of Miss Piggy's alleged quote that you should never eat something you can't lift.

    But even though there's more work to be done, the grass looks really nice. I don't know if it's some atavistic (had to look that one up) appreciation for well-controlled grasslands, or childhood reminiscences of picnics at Grampa's, but I'm congratulating myself on getting the yard to look presentable as early as April. The croquet venue has some bald spots, which I'm sure will lead to creative play, but that's what my friends seem to enjoy, so I might as well cater to them.

  • speaking of my terrific math skills: I read the back of the weed-kill bottle: 1 quart of concentrate to 1 gallon of water covers 75 square feet. I proceeded to empty the bottle of concentrate into the sprayer, filled the remainder of the resevoir with water, and sprayed until I ran dry. We'll see.

  • I mowed into all sorts of nooks and crannies that I usually avoid. I forget the last time that I had the whole yard looking good. I think it's been a while.

  • I wore overalls for the first time since I was, oh, four. I feel so agrarian. I'm thinking that the bib pocket could fit my MP3 player.

  • Unrelated to yardwork: I have somehow become enamored of going to a burrito place, and ordering a salad. Often this salad comes in a tortilla. A deep fried tortilla, unless you ask for a soft one, typically. Somehow going the next step and wrapping the soft tortilla around the salad blows the minds of the people behind the counter. It's not like the cuisine that they're working with is complex, and the notion of wrapping a soft tortilla around other food is foreign to them.

  • I suspect the etymology of "fuddy duddy" involves some paternal word somewhere. www.webster.com says that it doesn't know. I can wait all day for it to tell me what it knows. We'll see who rusts first.

  • mental note: must clean grill. Grilling is fun, especially when one doesn't become violently ill afterwards.

  • micropoll (without all that fancy clicking and whatnot): Who of the following would you most want to have dinner with and why?
    - Don Pardo (SNL, Jeopardy)
    - Don Cheadle (ER, Ocean's 11)
    - Don Ameche (Cocoon, Trading Places)
    - Don Ho (Tiny Bubbles)
    - Don Juan De Marco (Johnny Depp)
    - Don Corleone (Marlon Brando)
    - Rosyfingered Dawn (Ulysses)

  • Anybody want to chop some tree limbs? I've still got plenty. Bring your own Boy Scout Hatchet.
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